Here I am, contemplating what direction to go in the next few years; what school to send F to, in which language even, where to live on a provincial (that's like a state, to you 'merican readers) level, what jobs to apply for, and if offered, which to accept...
And I'm doing it all by myself.
This brings two thoughts to mind:
It's amazing how lovely it is to be unencumbered by a partner when it comes to such decisions. I can make the best decision for the boo and I without worrying how the higher taxation in Quebec would affect my partner, or if boo's anglo father would prefer to be able to help his kid out with his homework. This is wonderful.
That said - it's all on my shoulders. Eep. If I make the wrong decision for us, then it's all mine to own and wear. If F winds up unable to spell in English because I sent him to all-French school, or unable to ride a bike because we never moved out of downtown where he couldn't easily learn to ride... it's all on me. This is not so wonderful.
But I'll still take this over having to consider someone who, at least in my experience, will not see it through to the end anyhow. (sorry about that - a wee bit of bitterness does occasionally pop out at the most unexpected of times.)
And I'll still take this over having to do even MORE laundry because despite working full time, moms are statistically still responsible for FAR more than their fair share of the housework.
And I'll still take this over even the most supportive and wonderful of men (because they do apparently exist - they're simply all snapped up already), because to give myself and my freedom up to another relationship right now seems very much like going to prison, regardless of how minimum security it might be.
I'll take the responsibility, because with it comes choice, freedom, confidence in my self, and all of F's daily hugs.